Every Day a Hope Concept Explorations: Recovery: How Long Does it Take?

Every Day a Hope Concepts Explorations - Recovery: How Long Does it Take?

• Pages iv, lvii
• Page Notes
• Things to Try
• Please Note 

PAGE NOTES

I’ve been asked to talk about some of the pages in the book “Every Day a Hope” and chose these two, because one of the first and biggest questions survivors ask is, “How long will it be until I’m over this?” On one hand, no formula exists to answer this question - it’s different for everyone. As the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) says, “Recovering from a sexual assault or abuse is a process, and that process looks different for everyone. It may take weeks, months, or years—there’s no timetable for healing.” On the other hand and sadly, I don’t feel the term is correct: people do not necessarily get over trauma, they get through it; they come out the other side different but often better. Part of healing is understanding the process and part is finding new ways to look at life as a survivor, who can be better than ever –in fact, you can become more than a survivor, you can become a thriver.

The first page (iv), “healing isn’t linear, but it’s strong and steady and from the heart” remains one of my favorite pages, because truly, healing can make a person stronger and steadier like the comfort of a beating heart. Being a survivor itself illustrates how strong a person you are, how you can become more and better, how you can find hope. Whether it’s sexual violence, the loss of a loved one, divorce, or another trauma, we can all survive and thrive and be better in many aspects of our daily lives, mental health, and happiness. And it isn’t just the big stuff; we see this in our lives every day in small and large ways.

iv

As the second page (lvii) shows: getting help can improve the rate, quality, and strength of the process, but again, it is different for each of us. There may be days when it’s difficult to get out of bed or talk and it’s a low point, but there are also days that maybe a mere smile from a coworker’s joke is the highest point. That’s okay. Whatever and however you feel is always okay as long as you use introspection to examine yourself from time to time: are you bring forgiving and kind to yourself or are you digressing? Just be honest with yourself whenever you can, because you deserve the nest you you can have.

lvii

Maybe start keeping a list of things that do make you smile. It could be a friend saying nice things or being supportive, movies you love, a favorite food or blanket. Maybe it is the sound of the rain on a sidewalk or the sun in the morning creating long shadows of the outdoor plants along the wall. There will be something one day, then more somethings over time. You may look back and say it’s been a whole day since I thought of the trauma, a week, a month. Maybe you’re on the upside “off the charts” but a year or five from now, something triggers a memory and you feel like you’ve lost all progress. Please don’t let defeat win, because you are stronger than that, you’ve proved it all along. You can be right back up there. Reach out, get help, talk, and take care of you, because you’re awesome, you are a survivor and I know you can get through this to a brighter other side.

A FEW THINGS TO TRY

Keep Lists or notes - wherever you like, even right there in the pages of Every Day a Hope:

• What things have been positive?
• Where can you get help?
• How do you take care of you?
• Who can you turn to if you need to talk?
• What could you do to avoid triggers or other causes of negativity?

Relaxation/Self-Care

• Lie still and feel your heart, feel the steady rhythmic timing, know that your heart is there for you both physically and emotionally. It will keep you steady. Maybe you want to imagine it beating with the waves on an ocean. Perhaps you like to ride horses and can imagine the beat is hooves taking you through a beautiful place. Maybe it is the beat of the song of your soul. What makes you happy and how can you represent the steady beat of your heart to support it?
• Try not to worry about how long it takes to heal, but instead look at how you can the can improve the process. Help can truly increase the quality of the healing process and decrese the time to heal; so what ways could you try to get help – big or small. Do you need to talk to a therapist or just someone anonymous on a hotline? Would going to a movie with a friend or having tea or coffee be better for you? If something is holding you back, can you find a way over or around it?
• How about the future? Planning things that make you happy and being proactive about your self-care can be extraordinarily beneficial. Make a date with yourself to just take care of you. Treat yourself. Maybe schedule a day off to do something you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to doing.

AN IMPORTANT Don’t:

Please don’t compare your highs and lows or graph them like these pages. These were illustrations for concepts not workbook suggestions. I feel it puts too much pressure on a person during the lower times or can make a person compare and feel less strong about how well he or she is actually doing. Keeping notes on high points, successes, things that increase happiness and hope are great. If you notice it’s been a day then weeks since you last had a nightmare or a flashback, then that is something excellent to note and hopefully celebrate. But it is hard to quantify these things, especially negative things, so just knowing there are pluses and trying to encourage that positivity is better than analyzing it too much. However, it couldn’t hurt to write some of those high points right there on those pages so you can remember you are awesome, things will improve, you can be the best you ever no matter what or when.

Please note:

            I really try (no, really, I do)  to get to the point and keep these posts simple to give you an idea about the thoughts and concepts behind each page. My experience has been mostly centered on crisis intervention related to sexual assault and domestic violence with general PTSD, but Every Day a Hope exists for anyone who wants to find hope and healing, regardless of whether any crisis or stress has occurred or not. I truly try to make create a safe place for anyone to explore themselves in these pages, and my joy will be if you find even one moment that helps.

            The concepts in Every Day a Hope often overlap, but to keep you, gentle reader, from having to “listen” to me too much, I try to limit these page explorations to give you the gist of the concept versus a full analysis. Thus, I might mention self-care and safety planning on a post but not explore those in that post, because those concepts will be explored on their own from time to time.

            May you find hope and healing and so much more always, all ways, Marci :)

Lastly, page lvii is dedicated to my very mathematical friend Caitlin - cheers!