Hope, Healing and Courage from a Wonderful Woman

I wanted to share parts of my correspondence with Simonia Harrison. She is an amazingly driven and wonderful person whose hope, healing, and courage I find inspiring and beautiful. She is a dear person, so I thought I would share this page from "Every Day a Hope" to go with it:

xxxvii

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Good morning Marci, my name is Simonia Harrison and I just saw you on The Doctors show. I have a different perspective on a loss due to a fire. I loss mt daughter in an apartment fire on January 19th of this year. Out of this loss came an awesome testimony. I don't know if you are a woman of God, but God is real. I wrote a book called The Light of Sunshine depicting a 25 year testimony. I would love for you to read it. I believe there is a purpose for my pain and I believe that this pain is tied to my purpose. I want to do something to help mothers who have lost a child or children. Can you tell me how to get involved? I don't have any money to donate, in fact I haven't been able to work after losing my daughter. I just don't know how to get started. Thank you for any information you can provide.

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Hi Simonia,

I did order your book but haven’t received it yet. I look forward to reading it as soon as I can, though. I am so sorry for your loss of Rakeisha, it is a tragedy I cannot emotionally or psychologically imagine, though it is something I fear at times. You are such an amazingly accomplished woman, and the strength you’ve found in your pain and purpose fills my heart with hope for you. Healing is different for everyone, and I feel even though your pain must be severe, you show such beauty and grace by finding it within yourself to share your story with and want to help others.

People like you and I appear to have a calling to help others and to make the world a better place. There are many ways to “donate” or volunteer. I wanted to be able to post this answer, though, to say this: please make sure in your quest to help others, you don’t forget to take care of you. Regardless of where you are in the healing process, you really weaken yourself when caring for others if you aren’t being very proactive in your self-care. When I first interviewed for some of the things I have done, I was required to submit self-care plans, because most organizations know that it can be stressful and draining and don’t want to lose you to “burnout” – not that your choice for helping others would necessarily put you in that sort of position, of course. It might behoove you to start with your own self-care plan as you being to look for opportunities, because healing isn’t linear and you may not know yet what might trigger you as you proceed.

I know if I had read your book by now, I may already know the answers to some of the things I am asking; I apologize. However, do you feel ready to take on helping others directly at this time or would you prefer to start with something small as you go through this holiday time of year and the anniversary of your loss of Rakeisha? Maybe you want to take time to celebrate her life by yourself or with others before you start this new journey. Knowing you would like to help eventually doesn’t mean you must push yourself to help too soon. So I was thinking what about finding small ways to help other organizations while you build your strength? They may not always be organization related to the loss of a child, but there are always opportunities to either make things at home or have small fundraisers to support larger initiatives.

Even if you don’t want to leave the comforting glow of your computer, you can still help a variety of charities. Search using SearchKindly and money will be donated on your behalf to create libraries for under-served schools. Play educational games on Free Rice and every question you answer correctly will result in ten grains of rice being donated to the United Nations World Food Programme. Shop with Good Shop and a percentage of your sale will be given to a charity of your choosing. Lastly, you can read public domain books out loud while recording your voice and donate the recordings to LibriVox, where they will be made available to the public as free audio books.

If you prefer to act a little closer to home, there are always people that will need your help no matter where you live. You can knit clothing or blankets for your local homeless shelter (or give them to the people on the streets directly). You can donate blood to your local Red Cross. Lastly, you can always donate your time to a local charity in your area. http://mentalfloss.com/article/29549/12-ways-you-can-support-charities-without-donating-money

These are some simple examples from an article I saw, but there are many more small ways to make a difference. When you feel you are ready to take on larger things, I’ve been searching the internet, and there are many organizations trying to help people like you cope with their grief. One I liked a great deal was “The Compassionate Friends: and another is “The COPE Foundation.” Grief Haven is another, though there are many others. Each of these three has ways to get involved in a small way while you see what you think of the organization and how it relates to your personal beliefs and talents. Many of the organizations out there even offer training to be a volunteer. Others are looking for people who want to tell their story or to talk to other families. Have you considered being a speaker or running a local group to help grieving parents in your area? Your bio says you are a member of Enon Tabernacle Baptist Church, and I was wondering if they might be interested in partnering with you to start a support group or to have you as a speaker from time to time? I also wondered if you would feel comfortable maybe talking to anyone at your local Fired Department? I wondered if maybe they had any programs for child safety and would want you to help with things like that.

With the national organizations I mentioned and others, you can find many resources to support your efforts. Again, all of this is a lot to take on so early, but I saw the fund for your brother and though this is where you might want to head eventually. One thing I do recommend is finding out as much as you can about any organizations you find interesting. Inasmuch as we may feel healed and hopeful at times, I can truly say to help others in an organizational setting requires the right organization and environment match for you. The way they are formed and the rules applicable to many of their grants can limit things they are able to do, which can be difficult for anyone. Also, the way people interact and support volunteers varies. I know I keep repeating this, but this is where self-care is so important, because even when we as individuals want to help others and do not feel stressed or drained by it, we need the support of our friends, family, and coworkers. We need to feel appreciated by those support systems, because we need to maintain realistic expectations of those we seek to help – those who are often lashing out, falling apart, triggering our own memories and feelings, and much more. I am lucky to volunteer in a setting that really cares about the advocates and looks for ways to support us and help us with self-care. Not every organization will do this, and I would not want to see you lose any of the progress you are making because you did not get the support you deserve.

I hope these answers help a little bit. I know they may not be all that you wanted, but a few of my points made me feel very strongly about writing you. You are an amazing, wonderful woman who has been through very much and accomplished so much. Your desire to reach out to help others even while you are going through so much inspires and awes me. I think any organization would be lucky to have your help, and I wish you the very best.

Please take care of you all ways and always, Marci

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Good morning Marci, thank you for your response, and thank you for purchasing my book. You are right on with everything that you said. I have spoken to my pastor about a ministry to support grieving mothers.  He thought it was a great idea and said that we would get together after the holidays to discuss. Additionally,  I am doing a fundraiser on MLK Holiday to donate the funds to the fire station/the first responders.  They have become family and my other daughter and I donated the $500 that we received from the Red Cross to them earlier this year. It's a small firehouse and they do not get much funding, so I wanted to do something in remembrance of Rakeisha and give them money at the same time. We're selling dinners at the fire house to all the other local fire stations and the apartment complex where she lived.  We will be giving out free smoke detectors with labels on them with Rakeisha ' s pic and date of birth/death. I have also contacted Compassionate Friends about volunteering and I am waiting for the information in the mail.  I will look into the others. I appreciate what you said about how I may feel during the holidays.  I am feeling anxious about Christmas (you're learn why when you read my book) and about the anniversary date. This has been great advice, even the part about "burnout". I definitely do not want to do that. I'm pretty sure that I am not going to pursue anything until after the holidays and anniversary date. I hope that you and I can keep in touch. I will let you know of my progress and any support groups that I become attached to. Thank you so much Marci for your concern, support and great advice on your blog. You are awesome!

May you find hope and healing and so much more always, all ways, Marci :)

Every Day a Hope Concept Explorations: Recovery: How Long Does it Take?

Every Day a Hope Concepts Explorations - Recovery: How Long Does it Take?

• Pages iv, lvii
• Page Notes
• Things to Try
• Please Note 

PAGE NOTES

I’ve been asked to talk about some of the pages in the book “Every Day a Hope” and chose these two, because one of the first and biggest questions survivors ask is, “How long will it be until I’m over this?” On one hand, no formula exists to answer this question - it’s different for everyone. As the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) says, “Recovering from a sexual assault or abuse is a process, and that process looks different for everyone. It may take weeks, months, or years—there’s no timetable for healing.” On the other hand and sadly, I don’t feel the term is correct: people do not necessarily get over trauma, they get through it; they come out the other side different but often better. Part of healing is understanding the process and part is finding new ways to look at life as a survivor, who can be better than ever –in fact, you can become more than a survivor, you can become a thriver.

The first page (iv), “healing isn’t linear, but it’s strong and steady and from the heart” remains one of my favorite pages, because truly, healing can make a person stronger and steadier like the comfort of a beating heart. Being a survivor itself illustrates how strong a person you are, how you can become more and better, how you can find hope. Whether it’s sexual violence, the loss of a loved one, divorce, or another trauma, we can all survive and thrive and be better in many aspects of our daily lives, mental health, and happiness. And it isn’t just the big stuff; we see this in our lives every day in small and large ways.

iv

As the second page (lvii) shows: getting help can improve the rate, quality, and strength of the process, but again, it is different for each of us. There may be days when it’s difficult to get out of bed or talk and it’s a low point, but there are also days that maybe a mere smile from a coworker’s joke is the highest point. That’s okay. Whatever and however you feel is always okay as long as you use introspection to examine yourself from time to time: are you bring forgiving and kind to yourself or are you digressing? Just be honest with yourself whenever you can, because you deserve the nest you you can have.

lvii

Maybe start keeping a list of things that do make you smile. It could be a friend saying nice things or being supportive, movies you love, a favorite food or blanket. Maybe it is the sound of the rain on a sidewalk or the sun in the morning creating long shadows of the outdoor plants along the wall. There will be something one day, then more somethings over time. You may look back and say it’s been a whole day since I thought of the trauma, a week, a month. Maybe you’re on the upside “off the charts” but a year or five from now, something triggers a memory and you feel like you’ve lost all progress. Please don’t let defeat win, because you are stronger than that, you’ve proved it all along. You can be right back up there. Reach out, get help, talk, and take care of you, because you’re awesome, you are a survivor and I know you can get through this to a brighter other side.

A FEW THINGS TO TRY

Keep Lists or notes - wherever you like, even right there in the pages of Every Day a Hope:

• What things have been positive?
• Where can you get help?
• How do you take care of you?
• Who can you turn to if you need to talk?
• What could you do to avoid triggers or other causes of negativity?

Relaxation/Self-Care

• Lie still and feel your heart, feel the steady rhythmic timing, know that your heart is there for you both physically and emotionally. It will keep you steady. Maybe you want to imagine it beating with the waves on an ocean. Perhaps you like to ride horses and can imagine the beat is hooves taking you through a beautiful place. Maybe it is the beat of the song of your soul. What makes you happy and how can you represent the steady beat of your heart to support it?
• Try not to worry about how long it takes to heal, but instead look at how you can the can improve the process. Help can truly increase the quality of the healing process and decrese the time to heal; so what ways could you try to get help – big or small. Do you need to talk to a therapist or just someone anonymous on a hotline? Would going to a movie with a friend or having tea or coffee be better for you? If something is holding you back, can you find a way over or around it?
• How about the future? Planning things that make you happy and being proactive about your self-care can be extraordinarily beneficial. Make a date with yourself to just take care of you. Treat yourself. Maybe schedule a day off to do something you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to doing.

AN IMPORTANT Don’t:

Please don’t compare your highs and lows or graph them like these pages. These were illustrations for concepts not workbook suggestions. I feel it puts too much pressure on a person during the lower times or can make a person compare and feel less strong about how well he or she is actually doing. Keeping notes on high points, successes, things that increase happiness and hope are great. If you notice it’s been a day then weeks since you last had a nightmare or a flashback, then that is something excellent to note and hopefully celebrate. But it is hard to quantify these things, especially negative things, so just knowing there are pluses and trying to encourage that positivity is better than analyzing it too much. However, it couldn’t hurt to write some of those high points right there on those pages so you can remember you are awesome, things will improve, you can be the best you ever no matter what or when.

Please note:

            I really try (no, really, I do)  to get to the point and keep these posts simple to give you an idea about the thoughts and concepts behind each page. My experience has been mostly centered on crisis intervention related to sexual assault and domestic violence with general PTSD, but Every Day a Hope exists for anyone who wants to find hope and healing, regardless of whether any crisis or stress has occurred or not. I truly try to make create a safe place for anyone to explore themselves in these pages, and my joy will be if you find even one moment that helps.

            The concepts in Every Day a Hope often overlap, but to keep you, gentle reader, from having to “listen” to me too much, I try to limit these page explorations to give you the gist of the concept versus a full analysis. Thus, I might mention self-care and safety planning on a post but not explore those in that post, because those concepts will be explored on their own from time to time.

            May you find hope and healing and so much more always, all ways, Marci :)

Lastly, page lvii is dedicated to my very mathematical friend Caitlin - cheers!

Nessie goes viral

Viral Videos, Taking Risks & Nessie the Philanthrodog

·      Nessie Goes Viral (because she’s awesomesauce)

·      People – thanks to you kind commenters & supporters

·      How about that doggie paycheck? PhilanthroDog.com!

I have the best pets! I know everyone says that and they probably do too – it’s a furramily thing. I take loads of pictures and videos, especially when it’s footage of my animals. I never get over how adorable, funny, or sweet they are.  I generally text them to my mom and my kid, because let’s face it, they’re going to be (mostly) nice about it even if I send them ten a day. If it’s extra cute or special I may upload it to Facebook. On rare occasions, I want to post them somewhere that requires a link, so I have a few on YouTube. Imagine my surprise when one went viral: https://youtu.be/L2268aU0NO4 (Feel free to subscribe to my channel and share my videos.) I’m not that good at YouTube, but I do love pics and vids of my furriends.

I never thought about trying to make a video go viral, though I have certainly done some accident-prone things that would have made a funny video list. Now that it has happened accidentally, it’s been a fun experience with upsides and downsides. I love when other people love my animals, but even more, I really appreciate how some people stood up for the video, for me and for Nessie & Furriends.

The biggest upside? Nessie will make some money on this. I don’t know how much she will make, but I do know she will definitely be making some charitable donations in the near future. I also know all of my animals are cute, funny, friendly, and entertaining, so we are going to keep sharing videos and seeing how we can use them to create more donations. Please stay tuned for the forthcoming PhilanthroDog.com and my YouTube channel for more.

Meanwhile, if you were inspired at all by this or her video here are some ideas for you:

• ·      please subscribe or share my videos
• ·      go cuddle your own pet and give a hug from Nessie & Furriends
• ·      make your own video
• ·      make a donation to a pet cause
• ·      volunteer for an animal organization
• ·      tell a friend about the video
• ·      think about adopting a pet from a rescue shelter
• ·      go watch some more YouTube videos – Nessie and I like animal ones the best.

Win an Emmy Swag Bag?!

Aw, look- you can win an Emmy Awards 2015 Gift Bag, which could include Every Day a Hope :)

http://www.celebuzz.com/2015-09-17/emmys-2015-gift-bag-giveaway/

Emmy Excitement

I'm super excited to see Every Day a Hope inside the Emmy Awards Gift Bags this coming Sunday (20 September 2015). I don't know who will receive the book, but I know there's something in it for everyone. Cheers to the nominees and spreading hope. 

How fun?! A giveaway contest for Every Day a Hope

http://epicbookquest.com/giveaway/

Great Review from Bookworm for Kids

every day a hope isn't just for adults. Kids of all ages love it too. Check out this sweet review from T.  Drecker 

http://bookwormforkids.blogspot.com/2015/05/every-day-hope-by-marci-matthews.html?m=1

I am so proud and happy to announce that my book, Every Day a Hope will officially be released into the world today! Will you help this little book reach the people who need it? I want to do everything I can to reach people through reading and working though the book as well as donating some of the profits to charities.

 

I am contacting YOU so you can buy the book as well share it with friends and family or give it as a gift or donate it to a school, organization, hospital, church or other place where people are helped and cared for. Reviews on Amazon and B&N reallycount. If you are able to write something online tomorrow, me and my team would truly appreciate it. 

Also, I wanted to let you know we are going to be announcing some fun contests in the near future. We definitely won't be sending out a ton of emails, so make sure to check them out when you get them! 

 

Please click here to buy the book! 

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/every-day-hope-Marci-Matthews/dp/0990821811/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1431985636&sr=8-1&keywords=every+day+a+hope

 

Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/every-day-a-hope-marci-m-matthews/1121895666?ean=9780990821816

 

Much love from Marci, Speedy and Nessie 

P.S. Here is a bit more about Every Day a Hopefrom the publicist:

 

Through tiny stories and illustrations, Every Day a Hope encourages and empowers readers to examine emotionally difficult issues, while instilling confidence, introspection, and creativity. In each page, Marci M. Matthews addresses familiar concepts in a unique manner, designed to evoke thoughts, feelings, changes in perspective, and the ability to embrace the positive. The concepts in Every Day a Hope are taken from Matthews' work with survivors, but the book is accessible to anyone who wants to find new ways to approach life with a positive outlook. Accompanying pages encourage readers to embark on their own explorations by asking questions and providing space to draw, write, keep lists, and create in whatever ways inspire them the most. Marci M. Matthews is an author, artist, philanthropist, and Certified Advocate. A survivor herself, she is the founder of the Grace Initiative Foundation Tree, a charitable organization dedicated to the healing and prevention of sexual violence. In 2013, Marci received the RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) HOPE Award for Fighting Sexual Violence and Helping Survivors. She volunteers as an online and phone hotline staffer, a hospital advocate and more. She is currently working on obtaining her degree as a Master of Social Work at the University of Southern California.

Marci M Matthews

marcimmatthews.com

Sent from my iPhone

Woohoo! My first review for "every day a hope" is in and it's so nice. I can't deny being nervous about reviews and know they can't all be good, but at least the first one was. Many thanks to Margie Royal from Delco News Network for her kind review. I love the choice of the page she mentioned too. I know this book can help people, whether they've suffered in any way or not, but it will also help by supporting causes through donations if it does well; so sometimes I admit I do daydream about it having great success and making differences not only for readers, but for those who may never see it but benefit from support to organizations that help them. Cheers to review 1 :)

Cleveland Condom Company Consent Campaign

I wanted to share this, because I think it is clever, creative, and caring. The phrases are cheeky and forward. The idea of consent at every level is not something new, it is just being discussed more often and more openly, despite those that think it is purely political. What I really like, aside from the marketing targeting a teen/college demographic, is the idea of pulling these out on the first time of intercourse - what a great way to discuss how you feel about everything related to sex with the potential partner. What I am not thrilled with is the onus being placed on the woman as in the "dress does not mean yes," however true that may be in many cases - but we can't have everything. I just prefer to keep proffering men are victims too, and too often lately with rape being an increasingly reported topic, people tend to overlook the various ways rape occurs. Can we actually make a case for reporting bias when it comes to victims? Perhaps, this is worth researching. At any rate, I think these condoms are fabulous, and I think the partnering of "Say it With a Condom" and "Force: Upsetting Rape Culture" is incredible - now I just wish I could come up with a product or do some design work to partner with them ;) Or maybe I could spread this around to colleges more after I write this.

The comments below this article are critical and self-serving from about every standpoint, which disturbs me a little. Sometimes I think we all just like to hear ourselves talk a little too much - and here I write a blog post, damn.

http://www.cleveland.com/metro/index.ssf/2015/01/consent_condoms_increase_socia.html#comments